oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo10.31.2005
::Edit::
Yes, something happened.
Hard to deny since multiple people were around for it.
But it's none of your business about the details.
My roommates have respect enough to not press.
I have told like two people about what exactly happened.
You know, I don't mind my life being out there.
I don't mind that everyone has some sort of opinion about something I'm doing at any given time.
Every day is just another episode of The Institute, right?
Fine.
But give me some privacy sometimes okay?
We all know something happened this weekend, right?
Hard to deny if people were there to witness it.
Woopee for me. I have some game.
But I have a right to keep the details to myself, don't I?
To yadda, yadda through the parts that are just for me.
And if I didn't tell you to run off and tell someone else, then just keep it to yourself alright?
I try and trust people with deeper things, but its only fodder for gossip and tattletailing.
And it fails cause if I'm so open then I'm fucked cause I asked for it, right?
Cause I'm honest about my life, you're allowed to pass it on?
Wrong.
This is the reason why I can't trust people.
You guys just keep fucking proving me right.
scribed; 10/31/2005 08:00:00 PM
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best comment ever:
"you did what? with whom? how? are you serious? i can't believe you. paloma! omigod, how was it? was it good? is he cute? were you wearing your wig? where'd you meet? holy shit. wait, what's his name? let me facebook him."
shit. news travels fast.
for your information.
yes. i did.
no, it's none of your business.
no, i'm not over him.
but yeah, he's awesome and it may happen again.
what of it?
scribed; 10/31/2005 03:18:00 AM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo10.30.2005
i have so many things to say and yet the words fall from my mouth like crumbs of cake.
Meaningless trash.
I wish I could figure out how to navigate this whole situation, but as I watch you from across the room I realize there is little I can control.
I could never control you.
I could never have you as my own.
I knew that.
I know that.
And still some part of me, that smart girl with the penchant for emotionally unavailable boys, believes - believed - that I could've changed you.
That I could've made this work and made things better...for the both of us.
And now things have fallen apart and away from me.
I've learned the hardest lesson of all.
That love isn't steadfast.
Love isn't about holding on.
Love isn't enough to save me.
And worst of all, that love isn't immutable.
Love can turn into resentment.
Into bitterness.
Into pain.
Into a hurt so deep that every day felt like dying.
I know you don't understand. Maybe you never will.
I have lived through much in my life -- things in my life that I could not control.
But more than death or illness has ever done to make me look back on my life, this one singular broken promise has made me rethink so much of my world.
The truth is -- with you, I was the best of me that I could ever imagine to be.
Without you, I doubt everything else.
Now I know it'll take time and I may have trouble trusting again, even loving again, but eventually, I hope, that I will find the kind of strength I need to move on again and let go in favor of something greater than even this.
And hopefully one day I can believe that watching you walk out of my life, though sad and painful, meant the beginning of something greater for me: a kind of love that even time will lie down and be still for and a man who will realize that somethings are worth fighting for.
scribed; 10/30/2005 06:25:00 PM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo10.29.2005
Helllooooo Halloween!
It's one of my favorite times of the year and I take full advantage of the parties ( and the opportunity to be blonde for once in my life)
Here is my night in a nutshell.
This is the group of us that went to the party at Club Wilkins (or whatever its called.)
The rundown:
Me - 50s Diner Waitress
Michelle - Beer Garten Wench
Isaac - Wet t-shirt contestant
Joe- Construction Worker
Jim - Army Guy
Meghan - Mile High Captain
Boobs and Blondes - my favorite flavor. That costume is so uncomfortable and I'm surprised it didn't just fall off cause the buttons refused to stay on. Poltergeist activity, perhaps? P
Just cause I need to embarass them.
God, I love Halloween.
scribed; 10/29/2005 03:05:00 PM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo10.26.2005
Break up Rule # 3:
Never stop thinking about him,
cause the minute you do...he appears.
Well.
Today was kind of a round-house kick to the face.
R e w i n d.
For those of you who aren't all up in my kool-aid, here's a taste of the flavor:
|year 1| boy + i = nothing more than hook up buddies, with buddy used loosely (cause i'm pretty sure i didn't really like him as a person and he already had a girlfriend.)
|year 2| repeat the first part - the girlfriend and + more drama as I started to fall for my best friend. Eventually, I told him it was over and I started to try and find some happiness in a real relationship.
|year 3| repeat 1 and 2, but minus the sex (with boy 1) and + the inevitable craziness of the best friend turned boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend turned boyfriend for the second time ( but not in name, really...) boy 1 starts realizing his feelings for me as I try and make things work with boy 2, my supposed college sweetheart. boy 1 starts acting weird. i try to figure shit out.
|year 4| repeat 1,2 and 3 with boy 1 and the best friend turned boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend turned boyfriend for the second time turned back to ex-boyfriend part 2 duking it out ( though not really to their express knowledge) for me and my "affections." boy 1 throws crazy romantic note down stairwell at me after night of too much drinking. he tells me he's fallen for me. wants me to be his... meanwhile i'm still holding out hope for BFtBtExBtBtExB2 to realize he's in love with me ( or something, which is ridiculous cause i wasn't in love with him really...argh) but BFtBtExBtBtExB2 and i are insane together and would never work out. at least boy 1 seems like he's really ready for a real relationship with me. perhaps he's learned his lesson in love.
|year 4 con't| i try and stay away from BFtBtExBtBtExB2 in order to maintain my sanity (and not fall into old habits with a boy i'll always be passionate for) and boy 1 and i try to build a real relationship.
|year 4 con't again| i'm blissfully happy. i'm in love. all is right in the world. this may be
it. |year 5ish| it all goes to hell and long story short (too late) i break up with him cause he makes neither time nor effort to fight for me...or us, or at least he makes me feel like it which is just as bad... and he breaks my heart.
So here I am: in love with someone I can't be with.
Someone who I thought I could marry.
Someone who couldn't muster the kind of strength that I needed for him to fight for me.
I'm so upside down and inside out about this whole thing, I don't know who's to blame anymore. All I know is that it doesn't seem to stop hurting. And everytime I think it does, when I feel like there is some semblance of a chance that I might be moving on, ready to be his friend... I see him. Happy. Perfectly okay... without me.
And then it all falls apart in side again. The glue quite hasn't put it all back together yet.
I know, I know.Stop being such a chick about it.
I keep telling myself that, but then inevitably I flip on the TV and every channel is showing The Wedding Planner or Sleepless in Seattle or some other romantic propoganda that teaches women that they don't want to just be in love.
They want to be in love in a movie.
Maybe I was screwed from the beginning, my standards set so high that even prince charming standing on the back of his white horse couldn't even reach.
Or maybe love just isn't enough sometimes.
scribed; 10/26/2005 10:15:00 PM
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MeganRobinson:hahaha
dude
i just puked in your trash can
i'm sorry
i'll clean it out before you get home
hahaha
i probably shouldn't have told you
i'm too honest
example a of crazy 5207 forbes roommate madness.
scribed; 10/26/2005 01:45:00 PM
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Hello, gorgeous!
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack.
It's been over a year now since I last stepped off this blogosphere's stage and though the hiatus was good, the people were great, and the time away from the limelight was just a little bit tempting, I have to admit...I was bloody bored. And boy do you have a lot of catching up to do.
So take a seat, sit back and let the drama (inevitably) begin.
lyrics of the moment: "Why wait any longer for the world to begin/You can have your cake and eat it too/Why wait any longer for the one you love/When he's standing in front of you." [bob dylan]
scribed; 10/26/2005 03:09:00 AM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo10.25.2005
welcome world.
scribed; 10/25/2005 05:46:00 PM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo10.17.2005
hello!
scribed; 10/17/2005 11:57:00 PM
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