[ remember, that these are the moments. ]

oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo11.02.2005

MEMO:

Re: How to Not Be an Asshole.

To all guys.

Ahem.

Do me a favor and remember the following.

1. NEVER tell a girl she's overacting. Don't do it. Even if she IS overreacting. Just trust me on this one. If not, you better find your ass a nice cellar to weather the shit storm that's coming your way.

2. Get your SHIT together. You wanna date. You don't wanna date. You love someone you don't. You need your space. You don't. I mean who are you kidding thinking that you're all put together and know what you want. If you like someone, go with it. Don't lie to yourself cause you're only gonna look like a douche bag when we give exactly what you want (space) and you just can't get enough of us.

3. We really don't want that much. Just some of your time and a lot of affection. We don't want a knight on a horse, we just want a guy who brushes hair from our face when we're not paying attention and will buy us flowers when we're having a bad day. Cuddling/Snuggling is key and goddamnit, let us choose the movie from time to time.

4. Don't hit on girls in front of us ESPECIALLY when you are drunk and that girl is our friend. Unless you're into some sadomasochistic shit and want to get your ass whomped or a choice martini to the face then be reasonable. Be responsible. And be a man.

5. When we ask for our space, give it to us. Respect us enough to trust our decision. Be a good guy and stay away for a bit so that we may gather our bearings when we are pissed or mad or broken up. We don't you expect you to understand it. We just expect you to do it and that's the end of that.

6. Be reliable. Don't be the last person we depend on in any situation. If you are the absolute final option for us that means something is wrong. If we can't trust you to show up for our anniversary dinner or to pick us up from the airport, then you've got more problems than just a bad memory.

7. When we call you, answer the fucking phone. When we text you, respond. When we im you, im us back. If you're busy, catch up later. Say BRB. Say "i'm busy, catch you later beautiful." Don't just ignore us. Ignoring us won't make us go away. It's like that rash on your johnson. It'll only get angrier and angrier the more you put off going to the doctor. And if you happen to ignore us, have a reasonable explanation for it. And if you decide that ignoring you once means avoiding us for a week, do everyone the favor and break up with yourself. You're not even worth our anytime minutes.

8. Practice what you preach. If you hate us hanging out with our good friend the Ex Boy then expect us to be a little pissed when you're texting your super bitch ex girlfriend about hanging out on Saturday. If you want us to be in a good mood, don't treat us like we're not worth your time and for the love of god, if you expect us to be a good girlfriend and friend to you take the time to do the same for us. It's the least you could do for us putting up with you taking up 3/4's of our bed.

9. AIM or text messaging is the lowest form of communication. Any medium that you can write "plz 4give me 4 cheating on u" is clearly the work of the devil. Use the phone. That's why we shell out 40 bucks a month for a cell phone.

10. When we want to have sex...have sex with us. I know there is an infinitesimal chance that you're actually not horny, but let's be honest...that's just a ploy to catch some more football or halo. If you're good, maybe we'll let you keep the tv on.

scribed; 11/02/2005 07:37:00 PM
1 Leave me some love.

1 Say Something!:

Amen!
I wish all guys could get that memo.

By Anonymous, at 11/03/2005 11:12:00 PM