[ remember, that these are the moments. ]

oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo11.08.2005

so i just had an epiphany of sorts.

it's been like four years coming, i know.

[note: i know somehow i'm gonna get in trouble for this post, cause he always had spies everywhere and as much as i would like to avoid his wrath, but i think given the situation and him not really wanting to be my friend past college anyway..it really shouldn't bloody matter to me anymore. pffft. i say that now right?]

chuckles and i were discussing the ex college sweetheart situation, his new job (in insurance) and his forthcoming trip to the big apple (which considering he is the epitome of a bostoner/bostonian/red sox fan always strikes me as an awkward pairing) to visit his former roommate and friend, my supposed former "rival" for his affections/attention (whatever) during our last two years here.

now i loved him.

i wasn't in love with him ( as i'm sure he's told other people.)

but we had a sort of passionate and volatile relationship that defined a lot of things in my life, including how NOT to be a bad girlfriend and how to take life a little less seriously.

we had an amazing sex life that i think has spoiled me rotten to this day and i think we got each other on certain levels of madness.

and we could never keep away form each other.

as the wise sherpa of life andy described it, it was pretty much "fight and fuck."

anyway, four years of chaos and drama that pretty much writes itself into a WB classic, we ended it on pretty "eh" terms.

i never really got us.

we fought like a newly divorced couple.

we made up like newlyweds.

but we never really questioned the magnetism.

i guess sometimes there are just people that get under your skin.

that make you crazy.

and for a long period of time, make you wanna be a better person.

i learned a lot from being with him and i wish we could still be friends.

but i'm glad for the time we had, even if it was "fight and fuck."

but going back to the revelation, chuck and i were talking about his job and how it sort of fits him. insurance in boston, his first love.

steady on.

pretty fucking normal.

pretty fucking him.

and that's when i had the revelation.

he and i, do make sense.

a lot of sense actually.

he was the american grade normalcy of an educated, sports loving, reliable, and fairly dawson type economy ( additional major in psychology) major. the kind of boy next door consistency that i needed to get me through the next seasons of the insitute. the kind of boy that loves when you scrunch your nose and remembers from freshman year what your answers were on a cosmo quiz about what you like most about men, long before he even considered dating you.

i was the kind of liberal minded drama that your friends complain about for years after you've married the nice girl from down the road. the (good and sometimes bad) kind of crazy that thrusts your life into a spotlight you didn't think you wanted, but kind of needed, in order to feel something beyond the pretty boring routine of life. i'm that girl in college.

hmmm.

this shit pretty much writes itself doesn't it?

scribed; 11/08/2005 10:15:00 PM
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haha. i was trying to decide whether or not to do that.

By Lo, at 11/09/2005 06:13:00 PM