oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo11.08.2005
taking a moment from work to chat a little.
i know some of you rely on my witty musings and creative advice to get you through your day.
so here goes.
i think there isn't much that woman actually want.
i also think there isn't much men aren't capable of doing in order to fulfil that.
unfortunately, the thing that i
know is that there is some ( and by some i mean monstrous) amount of communication problems ( men speak martian while women speak in disney movies) that create the ever expanding gap of stupidity and strife that often exists between the sexes.
[aside: if you happen to be a girl with the balls in the relationship the same goes to you. for purely lazy reasons i'm going to refer to you in the masculine. And if you happent o be m4m or w4m or bi4bi or polyamourous or whatever...just...deal with it for now cause like i said: i'm too lazy to write out a table.
example a:
s/he says: hey, i know you can't talk to me today but text message me to say hi or something.
s/he thinks: i'll get to if if i can get to it.
s/he means: hey, i'll deal with you not calling me today, but at least show me some sign that you think about me during the day and text me a hello so that i can tame my sudden insecurities in our relationship.
now look carefully.
he just wants some indication that you think about her during the day.
he just wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants ( of course he thinks about her, but its more a background buzz than the constant pressing need to hear about it from her...which is okay to a point.)
can we all take a gander as to what happens?
he forgets. goes off to hang out with his buds, his sister, his female best friend, even to do homework. MAYBE he texts at 12 that night when he remembers thinking its not a big deal, she should know he was busy.
she, meanwhile, has found a new boyfriend on face book that will respect her requests and find a little time to make her day.
and everyone is screwed.
it really just boggles the mind.
now i like to consider myself capable of being in both situations. in the past i've been the one doing the chasing and being the chased. i've done coy and feminist and aggressive and nonchalant. it happens. its supposedly just the evolution of the modern girl. we can wear the pants and the skirts.
what i've noticed though is that despite all the changes in cultural influences, two thing has remained to screw everything up:
1.romantic-comedies
2.disney movies
i admit it. i love when harry met sally. beauty and the beast. i even own a copy of the princess diaries 2.
i try and see myself as a semi rational and thoughtful human being, but the minute harry walks in on sally at that new years eve party and gives the "speech"...
i admit it.
i tear up.
i sniffle.
and worse of
all i say to myself " that's it. that's love. that's what i want."
the problem with women is that they don't want to be in love.
they want to be in love in a movie.
and that's where the degradation of gender relations begins.
now, don't get me wrong. i've been jaded, but not to the point of handing in my hopeless romantic club card.
i
want to believe.
i think we all do -- that loving someone means that you've got to go through at least 2 hours of running, chasing, scheming, petals on the floor and often climbing to the top of the empire state building on valentines day, in order to fight for someone.
hell, it was brian that always told me that "anything less than mad, passionate and extraordinary is a waste of my time."
and i really took that to heart.
but i think somewhere in all that we stopped believing that we have some worth and that that should be important enough to the other person to go the extra mile and started believing that its love is supposed to always be hard.
always be a struggle.
always be about who outdoes who in the great romace film that is our life.
and inevitably, it just turns out to be a better than average porn or worse, a horror film.
i know.
cause i'm guilty of it too.
and it kills me to watch the people around me fall apart when the ending turns out to be not so happy cause one person didn't have it in them, for whatever reason, to compromise and sacrifice more than enough for the other person.
perhaps is situational.
perhaps they just don't know how to make that kind of sacrifice.
whatever the reason the outcome is the same: someone like me.
someone who gave everything for one person when that person couldn't give it back.
and now i'm thinking about seeing a therapist in order to channel my resentment into something other than singing about how dave coulier broke my heart. ( if you don't get it, don't try.)
i think we all want to be loved like that deep down, i just don't think that everyone's always ready for that.
and that's okay. ( hard but okay)
being in love is a scary thing. you've got to be open to all of it, the good and the bad, and you have to be accepting that that is how it is.
life is a bitch.
love is a blind s&m dominatrix.
and we all love getting our ass whomped by both.
cause it means that we're alive.
and i know if my mom could do the whole jedi obi wan ghost projection thing, she'd tell me that that's pretty much the deal.
life is for the living and love is most certainly not for the faint at heart.
so watch the romantic comedy and hate on boys when they're stupid tools, but always remember that loving another doesn't always have to be a battle.
just like life, it's a choice we make over and over again to make one person happy and to make ourselves feel like we're doing something important in our life.
but its not our whole life.
just a pretty fucking awesome perk ( that hopefully leads to pretty fucking awesome groping.)
we'll all find our harry or sally. and maybe it won't take complicated and comical slapstick circumstances to get there.
unless that's the way we want it.
and then...well...i can't help you there.
i can barely help myself.
[to be continued]
scribed; 11/08/2005 02:05:00 PM
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