[ remember, that these are the moments. ]

oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo11.07.2005

you know what really gets my goat?

::rant one::

the fact that he has the balls to pretend like everythings okay the night before graduation so that he may get his last collegiate hurrah with his always so willing ex girlfriend and then just thoroughly ignores any attempts on my part to be his friend beyond the bedroom.

just his friend.

nothing else.

not like being college sweethearts mean anything.

not like there was a reason we always kept going back to one another.

i guess it really was just about the sex.

that depresses me thoroughly.

::rant two::

why

WHY do i still miss him?

i think i have made some pretty good decisions on my part in regards to the dealings of my heart.

i think it was reasonable that i keep away from him, stand my ground, and take my space.

i honestly don't think he is quite as aware of the absence i have left in his life, quite as well as i am the absence he left in mine.

but after all the avoiding, the half truths, the lack of interest and affection, i should know better by now.

and yet...

the heart wants what it wants.

and the mind clearly does not fucking seem to learn any reason of the heart.

::rant three::

so the age thing is definitely rearing its ugly head.

i mean i get it.

i do.

he's a college kid.

he's still younger.

he still has faith that carnegie mellon won't eat his soul and that he may actually sustain some semblance of academic achievement if he does his homework like a good student.

and i'm an embittered female who's learned to work the system to get a passing grade and spends most of her nights forgoing work for laguna beach reruns ( and yes, i eat junk food.)

i try not to judge, but when he gets trashed and tries to eat my remote ( and then there is the whole trying to give me the shocker thing while i'm standing and fully clothed), i've got to take a moment.

though seemingly the perfect specimen of dudetide and coolness (all with quite a nice body and a sweet disposition, if i do say so myself) the obvious still remains.

after all i've experienced in my four years here:

he's a kid.

and i think i might be getting too old for this.

scribed; 11/07/2005 12:26:00 AM
1 Leave me some love.

1 Say Something!:

i love drama.

my take:
rant 1 - no matter what, relationships like that are never JUST about the sex
rant 2 - you DO know better. keep listening to kelly clarkson and you'll be fine.
rant 3 - i'd say wait until your a desperate housewife to go for the youngins. but hey, being idealistic is kind of refreshing...maybe?

By Lizzy, at 11/07/2005 01:53:00 PM