oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo12.22.2005
oh man.
what a day.
what a feeew days.
and in these few days i've come to a variety of revelations:
number one: time is the wisest counselor. after two plus solid weeks of refusing to eat, sleeping all day, listening to angry/sad break up music, and crying myself til a migraine came, i'm happy to announce -- i am okay, kids. better than okay. in fact, i've come to the realization that that song is right: you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need. i could probably sit myself down and think myself into another depressive episode, but i'm not. cause in the end i've learned that i'm a survivor, not a victim. i'm a way better person than certain people and when all is said and done, i have the boy, i have the ex-boy's best friend, i have the roommates and i have a shitload of kick ass friends and family who have not only held me, comforted me, sympathized and loved me in that darkest hours of the past few weeks -- but people who have proved to me that you make mistakes sometimes in trusting people, but losing faith completely is out of the question.
number two: i'm not actually a high maintanence girlfriend. after witnessing everything that's been going on relationship wise around me, i have to say. i used to be quite a handful. i used to be, what did he call me once -- an emotional disney land? ( and
she who shall not be named, yes you can tell him i said that. i never liked it, but i always thought it was pretty fucking creative. ) i used to be the drama empress of cmu, but though my life is still quite the playland, i've become a pretty reasonable, lovable and easy person to be with. i ask for honesty and lots of sex. i even ask you to call me back when i phone you. you don't need to tell me how pretty i am all the time, or even drop everything to drive to nyc to see me cause i miss you. after all this, i think i'm happy with me. and i don't need anyone else to make sure of that. the past two big relationships i've been in, i spent the majority of the time in fear that if i wasn't the most amazing person ever, that they'd leave me. and they did (or i did). for reasons other than that. you just can't control guys in love. you just can't control how people see you, but you can control how you see yourself. and despite all the jerry springer like plot twists, i love them for it. trying so hard to be a better person for them ended up with me being a better person for me. so if i never say it again, thanks. i guess things really do happen for a reason.
number three: transit strikes suck ass. trust me on this one.
number four: i'm pretty sure you're just doing this cause you're threatened by me. and that, if nothing else, is the greatest reward of all. stay out of my life, please, cause i have made a concerted effort to stay out of yours. i've washed my hands of all this. you got what you wanted, not take your booty, get back on your pirate ship and sail into the sunset.
scribed; 12/22/2005 12:47:00 PM
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