[ remember, that these are the moments. ]

oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo12.14.2005

well i'm at a complete loss.

so he who shall not be named and i had a bit of a talk.

it was long.

and...controlled.

i'm not really sure if it was the best idea ever.

but i had to do the last thing that i thought i could to make this all better.

face my fears.

and face the nature of the beast head on.

what i've taken away from the conversation is more a "it was going to happen anyway so i'm sorry for that" sort of feel.

i'm not sure if i mattered to him.

i definitely not sure if i still matter.

it seems a little weird that someone who could be so in love with me one day, be in love with another.

and totally throw me to the dogs.

i'm not sure if he thinks what he did was wrong,

but he at least thinks its too much in the past to worry about it.

i guess that's the difference between he and i.

i don't run from the past.

i deal with it every way i can, then move on.

i just can't help but feel absolutely worthless.

four years of chasing him, loving him, fighting for him, fighting with him and what?

what do i have left?

the image of him and her cuddling on his bed watching amadeus or state and main.

you know, the bugger of it all is that this could've ended differently.

i would've wanted to see them happy under any other circumstances.

even if it meant together.

but apparently they had little faith in me that i would be ever to get over my own feelings.

i guess i'm more grown up than i thought.

sighs.

i just don't know what to do.

scribed; 12/14/2005 06:00:00 PM
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