oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.24.2006
liz had an excellent post
and it inspired me to write my own
twenty thoughts that are on my mind:
1. i think i swallowed a baby bunny cause all i'm feeling these days is warm and fuzzy
2. i don't want to call my dad just to be spiteful
3. ow. my ankle hurts.
4. is it possible to have too much sex?
5. i wonder what my roommates are chatting about next door.
6. how am i going to afford this year -- i need another job.
7. it still hurts...seeing them together.
8. hhmmm. pms perhaps?
9. what my "win it for" response to andy's post will be ( see: northoforbes.blogspot.com)
10. what liz's engagement ring looks like.
11. what my engagement ring will look like (someday)
12. how i could become a bounty hunter
13. why she's really leaving
14. what i would've done if i had been on flight 93
15. bora, bora for spring break
16. i demand snuggles
17. i think i'm becoming totally spoiled
18. what should i cook tomorrow?
19. crap, i should go to bed i need to wake up and do homework
20. homework. fuck. class. fuuuuuuck.
scribed; 1/24/2006 01:37:00 AM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.22.2006
i wish i had something profound to say today.
but i don't.
it's been a pretty crazy week.
school has started and i'm already exhausted.
stillers are playing the broncos as we speak.
i went to my first real carnegie mellon sporting event on friday.
we lost
but it was a hell of a game.
my throat is still sore from screaming
and for more than a moment
i think i actually knew what it felt like to be a real honest to god college student
at any other po dung university
in the usa.
hackett's thing was a trip.
your pretty typical "who's who" of carnegie mellon.
but if i could quote The Boy Next Door for a moment,
"holy awkward."
megan was more than a little unhappy to be there
so like a good roommate, i chuged my mint chocolate chip martini
and left all that negativity behind.
oh and fyi. ( cause after enabling my xuqa.com stalker tracking feature i've come to believe that you probably check this.)
no, miss diva.
i didn't leave cause of you.
honestly, i didn't even care you were there.
i'd prefer to disregard your existence entirely.
anyway.
pitt frat party on friday.
drunken boyfriend damage control.
hipster basement indie band party on saturday.
on demand karaoke and finding mary sleeping on our couch for no absolute reason.
o fries and forties.
snuggling and waking up next to the most beautiful guy ever.
i can't complain.
life is pretty fucking normal right now.
and if the steelers go to the superbowl.
then life is pretty fucking awesome too.
scribed; 1/22/2006 03:22:00 PM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.15.2006
i keep having this dream.
she's there.
and something is going on.
i don't know why.
i don't even know the circumstances.
but she won't go away.
and no one will listen to me
cause they think i'm crazy
talking shit about this other life i had
life is how it would've been
ever since i got back i get this episodes of mild anxiety
remembering the emotional wipe out that i went through before i left
i promised myself that i would be strong and move on
and put all that behind me
and for the most part i have
i'm happy
my living situation is ideal
i have an amazing guy
and amazing friends
but i'm haunted
haunted by this other life i could've had
scribed; 1/15/2006 01:20:00 PM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.10.2006
well.
as the beginning of the year has come into full swing,
i can't help but look back and think about the year that i will always remember, wishing i could forget.
a few lessons i have learned thus far:
though i feel compelled to put my mom's favorite saying "trust no one" here, i'm more likely to believe that trusting others is a trial by fire. it's a pretty easy thing to be so cynical of human nature, but the fact of the matter is: you don't really know anyone as well as you think you do and yet, while this is so very true, you can't spend the rest of your life sleeping in the closet. ( those who saw Munich know what I mean). people are fickle and strange and you have to let them in cause otherwise you'll be lonely and eating bon bons with your 50 some odd cats. and while the trial may prove successful on everyone's parts, you can most certainly get burned if you don't trust your instincts. listen to yourself carefully and more often than not it will steer you away from any friendship backdraft that may come your way.
love is hard. i know we all THINK we know this, but until you know how it feels to be very much in love and that not being enough to save a relationship, you learn that love is a lot less magical moments and stolen kisses. it's a lot of fucking work. it's a compromise of yourself and your dreams to be a part of someone else's world. now don't get me wrong. i don't think you have to completely trash your independence and sense of self ( and with the wrong person that will definitely occur) but with the right person, with the things you give up -- come the things that you gain. while you may not go snogging with whatever hottie comes your way or even the times you'll need to spend encouraging and coaxing and soothing your mate. you get someone to snuggle with. someone to take care of you when you can't. someone to kill the spider in the bathroom when you're jumping up and down on the bed freaking out and someone to hold you when things don't go right. you adapt and you learn and you grow. and sometimes love isn't enough. but sometimes it is. and its those moments that we fight for. and wake up for. and endure the sloppy kisses of many toads for.
for fear of sounding like a certain ex gf of a certain person -- i'm pretty awesome. granted i've spent much of the past four years trying to blindly prove to my boyfriends that i'm pretty perfect and shouldn't be dumped. ( i know a pretty stupid reason, since we're not together for reasons that had nothing to do with that.) i've managed to actually find myself a long the way. the things i've learned in the past three or so years have been invaluable in my realization that i'm a good person. i'm human and i make mistakes. but overall, i'm a good friend. a good daughter and a damn good girlfriend. so i should stop worrying so damn much. if you can't love me for me, then you're pretty much a waste of my time. you're loss.
second ( or third or fifteenth) chances happen in the most unlikely of places. like halloween parties. while i'm trashed. and blonde. watching what i had thought was the love of my life flirting ( ever so slightly, but oh so obviously) with the girl who i thought would be a best friend for life. oh...did i mention the bottle of absente that i pretty much chugged? and the fact that the aforemention "second chance" was wearing a flava flav costume and i had told everyone that i thought he was some loser who liked to take his shirt off at parties? yeah. second chances are everywhere. even for people like me.
being happy is awesome and should be experienced daily. yeah. that pretty much sums that up.
and life is short. so pick your baggage off the curb and roll that shit with you wherever you go. drama or no drama. life is life. the people who love you should love the whole package. even the carry on. no matter what happens, keep your friends close. your enemies just as close. and keep on keepin' on.
all in all, the year sucked, but i the scars are healing and the future is bright.
maybe it all happens for a reason.
it's like they say
its only darkest before the dawn.
thank god for the dawn.
scribed; 1/10/2006 12:05:00 AM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.05.2006
time is wisest counselor
and anything less than mad passionate and extraordinary is a waste of your time
for all you kids out there holding your breath.
yes.
the rumors are true.
the queen is hanging up her crown
and abdicating the throne to people better suited for the exhausting task of this ruling this dramatic kingdom.
finally.
and thankfully.
life is good.
and i am happier than i've been in a long
long
long
time.
they're right about bad things happening to good people
what they fail to mention is that sometimes bad things happen for good reasons.
and that eventually the missed turns and bumps in the road manifest itself into a better opportunity
and even a better life.
the universe always finds a way.
and i need to find the kind of faith in that that i used to have so long ago.
with everything that's happened its easy to lose trust in people completely.
lose trust in the idea that maybe some things that happen to us are really for the better.
a lesson for the future, i guess.
but yes.
the new year holds promise.
i'm not going to make any standard resolutions except
"We've gotta roll with the punches
Learn to play all of our hunches
Makin' the best of whatever comes your way
Forget that blind ambition
And learn to trust your intuition
Plowin' straight ahead come what may."
generally, i plan on being happy and enjoying the time i have left at carnegie mellon.
the past is behind me.
and the future looks pretty damn sweet.
scribed; 1/05/2006 02:15:00 AM
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oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.03.2006
: o )
update soon, i promise.
scribed; 1/03/2006 01:49:00 AM
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