oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo1.10.2006
well.
as the beginning of the year has come into full swing,
i can't help but look back and think about the year that i will always remember, wishing i could forget.
a few lessons i have learned thus far:
though i feel compelled to put my mom's favorite saying "trust no one" here, i'm more likely to believe that trusting others is a trial by fire. it's a pretty easy thing to be so cynical of human nature, but the fact of the matter is: you don't really know anyone as well as you think you do and yet, while this is so very true, you can't spend the rest of your life sleeping in the closet. ( those who saw Munich know what I mean). people are fickle and strange and you have to let them in cause otherwise you'll be lonely and eating bon bons with your 50 some odd cats. and while the trial may prove successful on everyone's parts, you can most certainly get burned if you don't trust your instincts. listen to yourself carefully and more often than not it will steer you away from any friendship backdraft that may come your way.
love is hard. i know we all THINK we know this, but until you know how it feels to be very much in love and that not being enough to save a relationship, you learn that love is a lot less magical moments and stolen kisses. it's a lot of fucking work. it's a compromise of yourself and your dreams to be a part of someone else's world. now don't get me wrong. i don't think you have to completely trash your independence and sense of self ( and with the wrong person that will definitely occur) but with the right person, with the things you give up -- come the things that you gain. while you may not go snogging with whatever hottie comes your way or even the times you'll need to spend encouraging and coaxing and soothing your mate. you get someone to snuggle with. someone to take care of you when you can't. someone to kill the spider in the bathroom when you're jumping up and down on the bed freaking out and someone to hold you when things don't go right. you adapt and you learn and you grow. and sometimes love isn't enough. but sometimes it is. and its those moments that we fight for. and wake up for. and endure the sloppy kisses of many toads for.
for fear of sounding like a certain ex gf of a certain person -- i'm pretty awesome. granted i've spent much of the past four years trying to blindly prove to my boyfriends that i'm pretty perfect and shouldn't be dumped. ( i know a pretty stupid reason, since we're not together for reasons that had nothing to do with that.) i've managed to actually find myself a long the way. the things i've learned in the past three or so years have been invaluable in my realization that i'm a good person. i'm human and i make mistakes. but overall, i'm a good friend. a good daughter and a damn good girlfriend. so i should stop worrying so damn much. if you can't love me for me, then you're pretty much a waste of my time. you're loss.
second ( or third or fifteenth) chances happen in the most unlikely of places. like halloween parties. while i'm trashed. and blonde. watching what i had thought was the love of my life flirting ( ever so slightly, but oh so obviously) with the girl who i thought would be a best friend for life. oh...did i mention the bottle of absente that i pretty much chugged? and the fact that the aforemention "second chance" was wearing a flava flav costume and i had told everyone that i thought he was some loser who liked to take his shirt off at parties? yeah. second chances are everywhere. even for people like me.
being happy is awesome and should be experienced daily. yeah. that pretty much sums that up.
and life is short. so pick your baggage off the curb and roll that shit with you wherever you go. drama or no drama. life is life. the people who love you should love the whole package. even the carry on. no matter what happens, keep your friends close. your enemies just as close. and keep on keepin' on.
all in all, the year sucked, but i the scars are healing and the future is bright.
maybe it all happens for a reason.
it's like they say
its only darkest before the dawn.
thank god for the dawn.
scribed; 1/10/2006 12:05:00 AM
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