oOoooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo4.12.2006

someone once said

you do not begin to truly live

until you perceive life as a tragedy.



megan, my roommate, asked me this morning,

"what if you knew this day was the last day of your life?"

would you do everything you thought you needed to do before you died

or would you go on with your day

as it was


i've had a long time to think about this.


when my mom lay dying in the hospital

the meaning of such things were all too familiar

and yet

very much lost upon me.


how do we measure life?

and once we (think we) know,

how do we measure all the moments at the end?

tick tocks

breaths

memories

regrets

things left unsaid



for my mother

it was all the things she would leave behind.

every place in her life was populated by a foot or more of love and relationships

and that was how she would leave it

her end was all the things she would never see



for me?

i'm still not sure.

when i was sick in high school

i thought my inevitable end

would be the measure of the length of a gurney

or the minutes counted on metal clocks

between procedures.


now

that knowing is the tragedy in itself

that that person so spoke of

it shouldn't matter when

or even how

just that you lived

all the moments you could

the way you wanted them.

dictated by no regrets

no worries.

no fears.


the real tragedy in life is that so few people have begun it

even by the middle

or worse,

by the end.

scribed; 4/12/2006 04:48:00 PM
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